Compliments and how to take them.

Today I got given several compliments from my friends about this actually, about blogging and it got me thinking about how I take them.

Receiving a compliment is not just the hardest thing. To me, what happens when I get given a compliment, the comment seems to go in my ears but bypasses my brain. And then I forget what has been said. It’s like I just cannot simply believe that another human being would be that wonderful towards me. To take the time to notice what I’ve been doing correctly, what great qualities I have that make me, me. To be honest, some of the time I don’t think I’m half bad. I look after and care for people like nothing else matters in the whole wide world. If we are fortunate enough to be friends, I will love you and care for you for all my life. I will do anything to see you happy. In my best moments, I am funny, honest, caring and lovely. But my brain feels like it is split in two most of the time and it is in those negative moments where my self depreciation goes, my self esteem falters and I am left with this disbelief that I am worth anything to anyone. This is where the lack of being able to take compliments comes in. However I can’t read compliments either, the same thing happens. The words completely and utterly disappear from my visual and audio space, both inner and outer. I think personally this is linked to love and care for myself which I have always found difficult to see. But self- love is a completely different topic for a completely different day.

That is, unfortunately a topic that I am no nearer to understanding and definitely a topic which I need to discuss in therapy before I even think of typing out loud.

So for now, when I’m given more than one compliment I try to say thank you and for now that is enough to get through.