Waiting for therapy

Sitting, waiting, trying to calm myself before entering the therapy room so I can help myself and talk.

BUT

the waiting room is full of people, wandering, with the same anxious feels inside them. The same people, looking like they’re going to be sick. The same people tapping their feet, pacing up and down the hall. And today I can’t sit with that. My stomache has already turned over 3 times and my legs shake shamelessly. I’m worried about what to say and what not to say. I always have a plan but it never comes out as that.

This is the real me. Scared, anxious and worried about what people think. The constant analysing of how I act and think is so destructive and won’t be calmed until I get in.

I think I’m already disconnected from my thoughts and feelings.

I need to try and get myself back in the zone. 5 minutes to go, 5 more minutes of feeling sick, 5 more minutes of waiting.

Pshhhhh.