Just a day, just another day where I felt like crying all day at work. Whereby I lost my shit, Whereby my emotions chopped and changed like the seas waves. Where I was angry, sad, impatient, happy, and stubborn. But just another day. Another day to get through and deal with.
But, here I am, at the end of the day writing, after having made it through.
“So far you’ve survived 100 percent of your worst days. So far you’re doing great”
And this quote is true, I am still here, still fighting. Fighting for my life to be better, To be more fulfilled. I do not wish for happiness at all time. I wish for moments of sanity and emotions that are not heightened at all times. I wish for moments of grey along with the colour. I do not wish for this black and white anymore life anymore.
And in order to do that, I need to do what I did today and have been trying to do all week to keep my head above water. Today again, I told my deputy at work that I was feeling sad and could she keep an eye out for me. Keep checking in and asking how I am. And you know what, she did. And at several points I thought I was going to lose my shit, but I kept on going. And then for the second time this week, I called my team for support. For a chat in order to manage my feelings and not do anything destructive. It helped a little if I’m honest. Tomorrow I have my individual therapy appointment and I’m not gonna lie it is well needed this week. I hope that I can manage to actually talk about what has gone on for me this week, how it’s made me feel and act.
I think I need to try and work out what makes me tick, what goes on for me when I encounter certain situations and emotions and those type of people who get inside my head with no escape apparent. I think I need to try to work out my past that I have to deal with at some point in my life, despite me thinking I could escape it.
Here’s to trying tomorrow.
Here’s to making it through another day.
Katie's blog on life 