What does it require to heal your heart and your mind from trauma or or loss or disappointment? Does it require inner strength as well as outer strength?
Cos I believe I am a strong person but I am struggling immensely with healing and understanding why and well lemme just say life has become difficult again. I’ve hit a cross road in therapy but it is not as though I don’t want to heal it’s that the problems are too difficult. They are suffocating me when I try to talk about them. I’ve come to a stand still. Not taking in part in group therapy, I mean I’m there but I’m not proactive- zoning in and out, white noise in my ears, no concentration and I’m engaging in old destructive habits that I know aren’t good for me but help me feel calmer, make me think straighter.
How do I talk about what’s going on for me when I’m such a deeply feeling person, when although I know I can’t change the past, I am indeed stuck in it. Hoping and waiting for it to change, for my childhood to be different, to take away the memories and the hate.
I’m worried I’ve fallen but no one knows because I won’t tell them and even if i do tell them I don’t know that they understand me or who I am or what I am / have been through. Being a survivor isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s like living in my worst nightmare, struggling to breathe. When I sleep, I don’t sleep. I toss and turn and cry. I wake up more exhausted than when I went to sleep.
And no one knows……
Katie's blog on life 