Late night musings.

Trying to sleep but tossing and turning. My thoughts are so loud at this time of night. Speaking to me loudly and contemplatively.

I guess, well I know that part of the problem with me is that I think I don’t have an impact on people so it doesn’t matter what I do or what I say. I think I don’t have an impact on friends or family, acquaintances or even strangers. I think that many people are not impacted by my own doings. And it’s quite a struggle to realise that in fact people are affected by me whether they tell me or not. I can’t jump off the edge of the world and leave no trace. That, put simply is not feasible. People care, people worry, people listen, people love me. I give them a little bit of extra oomph. I give them colour in this black and white world. I give them laughter. I give them hope.

I give people a hell of a lot more than I give myself credit for and I need to start realising that, in good or bad ways but I do need to realise it and sooner would be preferable.