Letter to myself.

Yesterday I began writing a half draft, deadly serious letter to myself to try and get me out of this lost state that I seem to keep finding myself in. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. I was harsh on myself and upon reading it back, really quite brutal and honest.

I have to try and try to get back into fighting for myself again. I need to tell myself over and over that this, what I’m doing now, how I’m living now is not what I want. I told myself that I am worth more than I give myself credit for and I am so so so important to a lot of people whether I see it or not. I am loved. I am cared for. I am supported. And I need to stop focusing on those who don’t care for me and focus on those who do!

” You are okay. You appear to have got yourself stuck in a rut. In this cycle of negativity and negative emotions. You are finding excuse after excuse to not get better. And this needs to stop. You are playing with fire and burning bridges. Soon there will be no one left. There are people who want to help you, support you, care for you but you also have to try to try. Your ridiculously low self depreciation is making you think that this is what you deserve. That this is who you are meant to be, but it is not. You deserve better than this. You are worth more than what you are making yourself believe. I know you are scared and sad and angry but you are currently not allowing yourself to live your best life. You need to get back to taking photographs of yourself and singing and seeing your friends and engaging in life and people and nature. Pull your socks up and get back on that horse Katie. You can do this. You have this. “

And after reading it back time and time and time again, I will get the message through to myself and I will get unstuck and I will survive but not in survival mode which I have lived next to my whole life in but in living mode, in engaged mode.

Come on girl, you have this.