I feel like I’m living in some kind of weird apocolypse. I feel like the world is going crazy and a lot of people appear to be having some kind of breakdown. We, as Brits, no longer talk about the weather but everyone’s topic of conversation is situated around the Corona Virus. If it’s not talk about the crazy people panic buying then it’s about what is the government doing around school’s and work and transport. Everyone one has an opinion on it and as someone who doesn’t like living in the grey area, it is particularly unnerving. I can’t say I am strssed, I am a little anxious about therapy being stopped or moving online and having to spend a huge amount of time in my house which I currently feel unsafe in. This is particularly seeming a possibility because as mentioned the other day, my therapist is pregnant. I have about 2 more months left with her before I switch to someone else. I don’t lie change and would, if possible, like to have a few sessions with her and the other therapist to you know ease me into it. But now, this is seemingly less likely. Also the fact that if work is closed due to Corona then I wil have to create some kind of mental and physical structure, I’m worried the my mental health will rapidly decrease.
I am trying to stay with the present, I am trying to stay positive and think WHAT IF?” but it’s fucking hard. Today in group therapy we were talking a lot about Corona virus and moving therapy online, the changes that people don’t know will happen yet. But I’m trying to carry on and gently ease myself through each day.
As i mentioned earlier though, the world appears to be going absolutely, ridculously crazy. I feel paranoid. I feel uneasy. I feel like I am living in this state where by others are controlling my actions, the media building up pressure, the containment or lack of it. The pictures. Being isolated even though I don’t have the virus but everyone else is worried about catching it especially as I work in a school. Walking around and seeing no one, nothing. Lights down at 6pm. No one moves or does anything and yet trying to carry on like normal. Not panic biying. Not eating junk, going to work, seeing friends.
Just being normal.
But knowing that rapidly the world is falling a part and there is nothing I can do about it and just waking up each day, not knowing what the day is going to bring.
And for today that has to be enough.
Going to put some Peep Show on and drift away into unconsciousness.
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