Make it happen.

Somehow, someway. Make it happen. Listen to those songs and connect. Listen to those people and connect.

I had therapy with L today, the first time I had spoken to her in about 3 weeks. I’d been avoiding her and well most people from Complex Needs apart from this week, and then with all the bank holidays, it had been a while. I found myself a seat under a tree and tried to talk to her. My best friend, A, said something very important but very simple before I spoke to L, she said “Remember, they are there to help”.

It was actually quite a good session, despite feeling cold (sitting under that tree and when the dog walkers stopped in my 6ft when I was discussing something very important). We talked about a plan for the weekend, to help keep me occipied here and we also talked about my current housing situation, how it’s making me feel (unsafe and uncomfortable and maybe even scared, not scared that I’m going to be hit but scared because it is so unpredictable – the mood, the motions. for sure) and how we can get through this. I don’t think there is anything they can do though. I don’t earn enough to live by myself and one isn’t allowed to move in the current climate. I also told L about Springfield being my place of safety. Emotionally. How I feel I have grown a lot emotionally with having that safe space. And we spoke about how I think my attachments have flared up since not having Springfield, not being able to see her. L seemed pleased that I had done some mentalising, in the time and was very sincere. I felt her almost caring side coming through and I think I responded to that. I cut off towards the last 5 minutes of the session, couldn’t stand the awkward ending. I became silly and hyper and sat laying, looking up at the tree for 5 minutes after the session had finished. Then, I walked the long way home via Sainsbury’s to get cheese and ham and a croissant for lunch .

I need to sit and digest therapy, because that was the first time in weeks and there is something that was brought up which I need to talk with them about on the phone so I guess I’ll have to leave this blog here for now and go and get my ham and manchego croissant.