Proud.

I think one of my most favourite things in the world is seeing people succeed. I just love, love and support. Of people making something of themselves despite everything. It doesn’t matter to me if we went to uni together and I haven’t spoken to you in years or if you are a person I met once and connected with or you are one of my favourite people in the world. I just want to see successes in every area of people’s lives whether it be taking a walk in these crazy times to clear your overwhelmed lives, or eating properly and consistently or launching a new business or EP. I just want you all to feel the benefit and I am genuinely so so proud of those people. It’s not a fake thing whereby I am saying I’m proud just to say it – I genuinely, honestly feel that proud of you. It bursts out of my heart, my ears, my smile. It comes out of each and every part of me – that feeling of pride. That confidence that you know that you have this, that you have succeeded.

I just want the person to know it when I feel it.

People don’t know how to react, they take it in some shy way. Muttering the thank yous. Not really engaging with the emotions that are coming out of my mouth but I get it, when people say it to me I do not believe it. I think they are just saying it but by saying thank you these days, I am coming to terms with accepting the positive, the proud, the love and you all should too!

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And I really do believe all these things about having Borderline Personality Disorder. I truly am loving and loyal and passionate about my friends, about loving love. I have my days where I think the world hates me but when I’m good internally – I’m really fucking good. I know what the darkness feels like and I would do anything to not let another feel that pain, experience that darkness. I would give up everything for my friends and family just to see them happy and I truly honor and respect people. Sometimes with the effect of losing myself.

But if you are lucky enough to have me in your life ( yes I am self appreciative for the first time in my life) then you know that I have you, I will constantly be there to pick you up when you fall and I will be there for you whatever – despite time and distance. I will be there and you have to do something pretty devastating to lose me. I will give you 2 chances to mug me off and then we are done.

But as I said, of you are lucky enough to have me in your life, I will love you with my whole heart, I will support and care for you like nothing else, I will understand and appreciate you for everything that you are and want to be and I will care. Put simply I will care for you until our dying days.