It was my first day back at work today, first day back at therapy after the Christmas break.
Work was easy, if you avoid the eye contact and answer the ” how was your holiday?” with the same generic response of” yeah fine, I ate too much, drank too much. Yours?” that you give everyone, then you can make it through. But, it’s those people who ask and sincerely want to know how your holiday was that I just couldn’t fake it to. You know the ones I’m talking about, the ones that look deep into your eyes, almost looking into your soul that know. I mean for me, for the most part Christmas this year was actually okay. The day it’self was tricky but it’s gonna be when you spend your whole life faking it to those around you but the rest of it bar being physically ill for 5 days was nice actually. But back to those people, they know when you’re faking it, just trying to get out of the conversation. So what I did was, I got stuck into something else until the time came when I had to leave for therapy. And that my friends is a completely different story. There is no hiding there, none whatsoever.
Now, just to give a bit of a background. I do 2 types of therapy with my programme, one is group therapy which I detest with a passion and the other is individual psychotherapy which I’m coming around to a little bit more.
Today was group. I’ve been in a good mood for the last couple of days – feeling more hopeful and positive after seeing my best friend for New Year. This mood continued for group, normally I would as the therapists say “leave the room” that’s either mentally or physically. But today, I managed to stay and converse and participate. Yay go me! Now I never really feel that I give much insight for others but I think what I do give, when I’m feeling as I did today is an air of cheeky-ness and laughter. Of making situations lighter than they are. I guess that’s the joy of having EUPD. I feel everything so so much. So when I’m happy, I’m really fucking happy and when I’m sad, I’m really fucking sad. But today was a good one. I need to try to revel in these moments when they come because as I am perfectly aware these moments come and go as they please. so for now, I’m going to sit and smile and be happy for the day I’ve had.
‘ bet you thought I was gonna say something negative about group, well not today my friends, not today.
I hope everyone else’s monday was all gravy.
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