Well today I found 3.
1. The first was “Zoom”ing my family and my my best friend (Sorry A, I love you). (I can’t actually post a picture of my family on here cos the screen shot I took has all their surnames on there and I know that some of you are crazy motherfuckers). But the video calls have made me feel so much happier, so much more connected to people, connected to my people. You feel this sense of normality when you can see and hear those close to you and as my brother said…..
“It gives me hope, that everything will be okay. ”
And I truly believe, today I truly believe that it will be okay. I’ve been having this sense of panick, of wishing for simpler times recently and it’s made me disconnect from people. This whole isolation thing has really thrown up some attachment issues for me. And I’m trying so hard not to push back on people, trying to stay connected with them but my brain is shouting no, no, no.
2. I am grateful to be able to hang washing on the line and have it dry in a day. Such a simple yet fulfilling task. A sign that summer is coming and thus warmer, longer and brighter days. A sign that the black dog is being put to sleep again. Tonight, I am now able to sleep in fresh sheets and I am able to (hopefully) sleep comfortably. Whilst I was waiting for my washing to dry, I attempted to sit in the hammock in the garden, which in turn I fell out of. But having a place to sit and relax away from people and in the sun but not breaking the rules was very refreshing. Simplicity at it’s finest. I’m not a very complicated person in turn of things that make me happy, I’m not into material goods but instead pure and simple things. Love, being needed, being wanted, washing drying, good food, good rum, talking to those that I love. Simple times.
3. Running and being able to run, pushing myself to get to the next corner, the next km. Feeling the sun blaze down on my sweat ridden face but not giving up, not giving in. Feeling the wind against my arms and my legs from where my short and t-shirt ends. Just feeling something other than these gut wrenching emotions that have been taking me away from myself. And having that feeling of being proud when I returned home, that feeling of excitement which has stuck around all day. The feeling that the world is mine for the taking and that when all this is over, I will take it all back. The world will be mine again.
Knowing that I have this. Today, I have this. We all have this.
Katie's blog on life 